Thursday

...in tandem.


Such a team-player happiness is...
allowing other emotions to shine when they're screaming for attention. Maybe we all just need to be better coaches, and stop playing favorites. The more we remember we're happy, the less we forget.



I remember a time, not long ago, my heart took a blow and I sobbed like a child. All energy was lost, eyes like puffed-pastries, and the stains that ran down my cheeks carved into my skin like Morton's fine sea salt. The t-shirt of my friend, wet from the tears vented on her shoulder, was stained by the mascara from my bare, wet lashes. As she held me, I felt the exhaust of my 2hour sobfest come to a space where oxygen no longer battled to enter my lungs. I felt my breath soothe and calm my nerves as lethargy overwhelmed me into a euphoric daze. She said something, mundane really, maybe just a word, and I couldn't help but laugh. Delirious, and not quite comfortable, it felt more like a smirk outloud. Rare? I think not. At the end of an excruciating emotional release, there always seems to be a laugh. Maybe that's just happiness poking us, reminding us it remains patient and present.

As I race the trails of my memory, running out of fingers and toes to count these emotional breakdowns, I'm reminded of instances where I tried so hard to hold back any trace of laughter or smile, for days on end if I could; all because I was afraid of negating the "seriousness" of my cry. It seemed back then I didn't believe crying and smiling could coexist, and I wasn't ready to stop being miserable. ...but that's just it. I get it now: I may cry when I lose people or things, I may scream and yell when I'm angry, and I may want to sleep all day and be alone when I'm low, but does that mean I'm not happy? Absolutely not.

All emotions & feelings exist as their OWN entity. Happiness is not the absence of sadness, anger, upset, fear, gloom, sorrow, etc. ...and more importantly... Sadness is not the absence of happiness, joy, delight, pleasure, bliss, etc. We either have an emotion or we don't. It either exists or it doesn't. We don't have to choose just one. As humans we are capable of feeling -- infinitely.

When a tear runs down my cheek, it doesn't mean the smile in my heart has vanished; it's just merely turned upside down. I lost a lover, I misplaced a friend, my money is gone, the heart is broken, I wake to nightmares and fall asleep without dreams... whatever the challenge may be... it all simply supplements what I've chosen to create & ever-last in my life: happiness. How does upset supplement what seems to be its exact opposite, happiness? Things may be opposite, but it's false to believe something can only exist in the absence of the other. This is why the yin and the yang coexist in a never ending circle, creating a constant, complimentary whole. "Yin-yang describe opposing qualities in phenomena. They are bound together as parts of a mutual whole." I am Alex because I smile often and cry easy.

We cry, we get hurt, and as quick as it came, we exile our happiness to a land of disbelief. People lose sight of what truly causes their tears because they become aware of losing their smile... so they cry harder!! Sadness doubles because we believe our happiness is gone, taken away from us! ...and it is... if we believe it is. Believing happiness can't coexist in a body of diverse emotions, squeezed tight like anchovies in a can, has predictable outcomes. If you believe it, it will come true. I am eternally convinced by the power of manifestation. So, create your happiness, and ride your rollercoaster. Manifest emotional coexistence. Be happy, and have sad moments. Be happy, and get angry. Be happy, and choose solitude. And always, always, let yourself cry into a smile.

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